NewsReel:

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        *That Darn Crack*
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Announcer:      It was way back in the ancient 80's when
                some anonymous genius put the 70's technology
                of Cocain togeather with the ultra-modern
                concept of the in-home microwave oven, thus
                creating the first ever "lil' hard wad o' 
		screaming miserable bloody death."
                Crack, as they called it, (for surely you're
                cracked to try such a thing) came to be the
                most popular new fad in the popular suburban
                Los Angeles area. New terms were invented
                in the wake of massive crack commercialism;
                those who were under the effects of the rock-
                like substance were said to be 'cracked out,'
                or 'on crack.' These terms were then translated
                into the lingo-hungery world of junior high school,
                and remain as a mainstay of an entire generation's
                vocabulary of knee-jerk insults.
                In the futrure when the extremly harmful substance
                is pushed and subsidised by the CIA with your tax
                dollars, you can look forward to a new wave of crack
                technology.
        Crack for the home, including consumer products like:
                        * Instant Crack
			* Diet Crack
                        * Caffine-Free Crack
                        * Crack Lite
                        * Crack Daniels
                        * Crack-er Jacks
                   And	* Yukon Crack
         Not the mention the CIA financed franchise-conversions,
         including:
                        * CrackDonald's
                        * Crack-in-the-Box
                        * Burger Crack
                        * Crack Hut
                        * International House of Crack
                        * Mary's Pizza Crack
                        * Taco Crack
                &       * KFC
	And the re-release of modified feature films like:
			* Men In Crack
			* Crackman and Robbin'
			* The Brady Crack
		   And	* Herbie goes bananas on Crack

                That's right, it's finger lickin' GOOD!
                So, look forward to a technological world
                of consumer products filled with that yummy candy
                core- Crack; Just for the taste of it,
                Crack is it.